Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
– Wayne Dyer
It is likely that at some point in time “something” will backfire or not work out as planned. Regression will rear its ugly head, pulling your spirit down. It will feel like “the whirlwind” has sucked you up again.
One of Annie’s worst regressions came when we tried Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT). At first, Annie loved it and would ask to go in the chamber for treatments. Her receptive language improved dramatically and her eye contact was remarkably better. “This is it… Annie is going to recover I told myself”. But as we increased the frequency and duration of her treatments, the train started coming off the tracks. Annie became more “stimmy” than ever, she no longer slept, got horrendous diarrhea, and became very aggressive. I felt so guilty. “I am the worst mother ever” I told myself. Why didn’t I follow her lead? I should have realized that when she no longer wanted to do the treatments, it must not have felt good to her. I was so caught up with how much money we had spent and the fact that I believed HBOT was going to be “the magic bullet” that I went against my “mommy instinct” and forced Annie to do something that caused her to regress.
Any time Annie regresses, due to an illness or a new treatment, I go into panic mode. I feel such a heaviness pressing down on me that I literally find it hard to breathe. I wonder is this going to be like THE REGRESSION we experienced when she was two years old where nothing is ever the same again? Is the child I know and love going to be stolen from me again? I think about it obsessively. I am paralyzed.
But so far, the mini regressions (as I call them) are only temporary. As soon Annie gets over her illness or I stop whatever triggered the regression, she tends to level out in a few days. This is the price I pay for trying to heal my daughter’s chronic health issues in a time when most of the medical community doesn’t even acknowledge them and the research is not there to definitively state how to treat them. If I wait for the research to be finished, Annie will be an adult and I refuse to let her miss out on her childhood.
When your child experiences a regression, don’t let the whirlwind drain you of your hopes and dreams. Refuse to give in to the so called “inevitable.” It is not an option for us and hopefully not for you either.
When a mini regression strikes, allow yourselves a day of funk. But don’t allow “woe is me,” to get the best of you.
Even when you are on the brink of not being able to handle anymore and consider throwing in the towel, look into the face of your child and remember to stay focused on your journey. Take a deep breath, tune into your inner mom GPS and keep going.